the fifo wife

Just write she said.
Don’t think about it being perfect or right.
Don’t think about who will read it.
Just write.

That was the advice I sought from Chantel last week. I have followed her for many years, and I have recently watched her grow, and I am so proud of it. Oh its delightful watching someone become openly who they are. And so I sought her advice for writing. I so miss it. Im not interested in being an ‘influencer’; nor do I have the talents of my favourite Joan Didion. I just want to be a lifeteller, a lesson sharer. But get me in front of a keyboard, and well, I get stuck. What I have to say is useless. Why would anyone want to know what a woman of my age, with no credentials and poor grammar, has to offer? But in recent months, I am tired of being myself. Im tired of being small. Tired of apologising for my existence.

It’s been an evolution, an awakening if you like, but the most recent push has come off the back of a conversation with B2, who, friends you wouldn’t even recognise. Oh my, just the most beautiful young man. We did well.

So.

We were at our third place, the cafe, and I was chatting to the owner, but on leaving, I had this moment where I felt I had talked about myself too much. I spoke to B2 about it that night. No mum, it’s fine, that’s just exchanging in conversation, how we get to know each other.

But- do you know how many times I have been told I talk about myself too much, that I deflect, that I make it all about me? Well, you wouldn’t, but I now analyse every conversation I have.

I should apologise to them, I said.

NO, he says with a half-laugh. You know mum Dad tells me that when he met you, you were fierce. Didn’t care. You spoke up. Had a quick tongue and one that sorted you into line. It’s where B3 gets it from.

I smiled and debated whether I should tell him that, after years of living with constant voices that were not my own, that I was this and that; it gets to one after a while. You become thin on the outside and on the inside. You become small. You become inconsequential, a feeling I have battled with but could never name until recently, when I had my charts read.

The next day we found ourselves there again, our third place, as I brought him lunch for working for me. And being me, I apologised to the cafe owner for making our conversation about myself. She looked confused. I had to explain but I felt better I had a apologised for being me.

B2 said to me as I stepped outside to our table. You apologised, didn’t you?

I did what I said. I had to. I don’t want to ever take up too much space. He didn’t smile. Instead, he said, “Can you just repeat what you said to me again, but this time to yourself?

I did. And once upon a time, I would have been aghast. Because just the night before, I had said to my youngest, “Don’t become smaller to make others feel better.”

I considered myself as he continued, and I listened as my eighteen-year-old school me.

Mum, he said, ‘When are you going to get tired of apologising for yourself?’ You have nothing to apologise for. Just be you.

So I am here. Just being me. Writing like no one is reading, and if they are its in the hope that it might help someone feel a little bit bigger than they thought they were.

Because unless your an old man reaking havoc on the world with bad tan and questionable decsions you are worth every bit of space you ‘take up’.

xxDeb.

Taking a career break to focus on raising a family is a rewarding, fulfilling and often challenging choice for many women. The time inevitably comes whether it be weeks, months, or years later when a Mumma may find her children need less of her attention, she needs some extra mental and social stimulation or family finances call upon her to dip her toe back into the paid workforce. For many, this can feel like a daunting prospect. It is natural for doubts to creep in concerning a perceived loss of skills especially due to the exceptionally fast-paced world we live in where technology, industry regulations and business structures rapidly evolve.

Many of my clients in this position experience overwhelm at the thought of preparing a resume as it can feel to them that time spent away from the workforce has diminished their professional value. If you are sitting in this state right now, I ask you to consider the experiences and responsibilities you had while caring for your children and identify the relevant skills you developed. These might include time management, multi-tasking, problem-solving, communication, organisation, and adaptability. Reflect upon how you have grown and matured since becoming a Mumma. I bet you have greater compassion, foresight, budgeting skills, and time management awareness when you did not have the responsibility of caring for the well-being and emotions of a tiny human! These, my dear Mumma, are all relevant skills and personal qualities that you can and should highlight in both your resume and cover letter. Use these to outline your suitability to contribute to a diverse team, engage actively in professional development and learning activities, and to juggle multiple concurrent tasks and respond to challenges with a problem-solving mindset.

While you were out of the paid workforce did you engage in volunteer activities? Did you assist with organising meet-ups for mums, help at playgroup or withing your child’s classroom? Even if unrelated to your previous career, these experiences can demonstrate your commitment, motivation, and ability to contribute to new environments. Include them in your resume, emphasising the transferable skills you gained or the achievements you accomplished for the organisation, the team and personally.

Each job application is unique and it is therefore essential to write a tailored cover letter that addresses the specific requirements of each role you are applying for. Put your detective hat on, and carefully comb through the job description to identify the key skills, personal qualities, knowledge and experience sought by the employer, and ensure these are reflected in the key terminology you use in the resume. Emphasise the skills and experiences that directly relate to the job and use keywords from the job description to optimise your resume for applicant tracking systems (ATS). Yes, we live in the world of AI and many larger companies and recruiters use computer software to scan your resume before the human eye has a chance to review it. For this reason, please do not use Canva or similar programs that have text boxes, graphs and tables to create your resume, as these will skew the information making it difficult for the ATS to pick out the key aspects it is looking for.

Rather than feeling anxious about the employment gap on your resume, address the elephant in the room, concisely and positively. A simple career summary section can fill in this gap with a time period and “Family Responsibilities” or “Career Break” title. A well-crafted cover letter should also explain your career break as a conscious choice to prioritise caregiving while also expressing your enthusiasm and readiness to return to the workforce.

Still feeling apprehensive? Reach out to your personal and professional networks to seek support and guidance during your job search. Have a good think about former colleagues, mentors, and friends who can provide advice, referrals, or even job leads. This is a time to be proactive. Networking can open doors to opportunities that may not be advertised publicly and provide you with valuable insights about the local job market.

Returning to the workforce after an extended break can be a daunting prospect for Mummas who have dedicated their time to raising children. However, with a well-crafted and targeted resume, you can effectively demonstrate your skills, experiences, and readiness to reengage professionally. By highlighting transferable skills, tailoring your resume to each job application, addressing employment gaps proactively, showcasing continuous learning, and leveraging your network, you can significantly increase your chances of obtaining job interviews.

Remember beautiful Mumma, your caregiving experiences have honed truly valuable skills that employers will recognise and appreciate. Reach out if you need a hand in identifying and building confidence in your skills and abilities. In the words of the very wise Dr Seuss, “ Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than YOU”.

The Word Nerd

(aka Colleen)

Need help? Contact and follow Colleen on Facebook page here for everything you need to get the job you want.

I fuelled up our 2005 diesel 4 x4 yesterday and the total was $162. That tank of fuel will last us a week because of where we choose to live; nothing is really close by. It is, I think, by anyone’s standard a little bit of money out of anyone’s weekly budget.

As I paid, I asked the guy behind the counter, have you had many drive-offs since the price increase?
He replied with no perhaps once a month. It’s worse though in the city.
I am genuinely surprised I said. Maybe it’s the fact we are still a small town. I mean that’s great but I am surprised $162 is a lot of money and most people here own a diesel vechile.

Despite what he says, as I hear of each “thing” increasing, I wonder how others are doing because let’s be honest not everyone is in our financial position. I wonder how people are, not just financially but emotionally coping. Especially coming off the back of the pandemic and into this worldwide economic crisis.

It seems to be just one thing after another and I genuinely worry about others. Just when we felt we were coming back from the brink, here we are again. And I wonder and often worry about the kids of those whose parents aren’t as financially able to stretch their dollars because there are no dollars, are sick or perhaps don’t know how to manage their money. How are they managing the increases? The continual upheaval that we all seem to be experiencing.

Personally, the only way I can stem my own anxiety is that Im actually reaching out to my friends more and Im giving more to my local community. I’m desperate for company that makes me feel good and so Im rallying my people. Im talking to strangers more because the community is so important right now- as much as it was during the pandemic-if not more so.

Im also finding ways to contribute more to charity. It’s not a lot, it’s what we can afford, but charities such as Share the Dignity, Foodbank and my local animal shelters are now more prominent in my sights. It’s all I can think of to help out my community locally but here in this world wide community village, we have created Im wondering how you are.

So tell me; how are you? What’s happening in your world? What’s worrying you? What are you eating/watching/doing? How’s work/parenthood/the fur babies? What made you laugh?

I would love to know.

image: here with thanks

I learnt my money habits from my mother and my father. My father was the saver. He taught me that putting away the smallest amount was better than nothing at all and that having money in the bank; no matter the amount brang a peace of mind only the security of “emergency money” can bring.

Those coins that accumlated in the bottom of his weathered duffe bag, the one he threw beside the velvet couch each night. That old green bag with its Telcom emble on the side pocket was like Mary Poppins carpet bag, good things eventually came from that bag as he counted and bagged those lose coins clinking at the bottom. My mother, the ‘careful’ spender of the two taught me how to make things stretch, make do and to shop around for the best deal. She also wasnt afraid of taking a loan to get what she wanted. From her I learnt what was worth the intrest paid she was so discerning about them. And when she took a a loan she was fast to pay it off. They never used higher purchase or a credit card.

My parents were savvy with money but they have done so with savings and their super annuation. The only investing they did was into their home and super; old school investing at its best. I wanted financle indpendence and more financal freedom than my parents had. So started investing in shares when I was 22. I then brought my first home, with my then boyfriend husband when we were 24 years old, having started saving for a deposit since I was 19. I knew then that land would not always be cheap. Since then we have added a reduced our investments and debt.

Now in our mid 40’s we are now in a healthy position. I must stress we are not wealthy, we are secure. I think it was a matter of knowledge and personal goals that we got here. Its also because of the choices we made yesterday, last week and the years before that. Still we are always adjusting our forward budget. We are always reviewing our goals and are activly intrested in where our money goes. Its also because of the lessons our parents taught us and the many financle mistakes we have made.

Thats not to say we haven’t been in financal distress,we have, but it was being able to budget that saved us. I have never wanted to be excessively wealthy just stable. Secure. To me money is a massive key in that, so Im self taught on money but Im always learning. I think talking about money educationally is so important, especially now, so lets start talking money more.

So if your wanting to know a bit more about money beyond the lessons of your friends and family and how to make it work best for you here are four free money courses.

Four free money courses

Money Smart. Money Smart Moneysmart is a Federal Government website, brought to you by the Australian Securities and Investments Commission (ASIC), the corporate, markets, financial services and consumer credit regulator in Australia. Committed to helping Australians of all ages, backgrounds and incomes to increase their financial wellbeing. Through the Moneysmart website they: encourage saving, provide simple steps for the 1 in 3 people who feel stressed and overwhelmed by money. They encourage informed use of financial products and services. Increase retirement preparedness.
Find their website here.

Saver Plus. Saver Plus is a programme put together by the Smith Family, and helps Australians on a tight budget to build financial skills and develop life-long savings habits. The free 10-month program provides participants with personalised savings plan to assist with their education costs and includes group financial literacy activities. You must meet the criteria to apply.
Find their website here.

My Money Dream. My Money Dream is FNF’s award-winning online financial literacy training program. It has been created by Indigenous people, for Indigenous people to help you learn the skills for financial security and future prosperity.
Find their website here.

Money Minded. MoneyMinded Online is made up of a series of eight interactive activities that are designed to improve your money management skills.You can complete any of the activities at any time and at no cost to you. You don’t need to be an ANZ customer and ANZ will not promote their products or services. Topics covered by MoneyMinded Online include: Know yourself, how to spend wisely, clarify your goals, creating a budget, banking smart, avoiding dangerous debt, watching out for credit cards and superannuation
Find their website here.

xx Deb

** I am not giving financle advice. I am not a finacle advisor. Do not consult myself or google to make your financle desiscions.

Tv and I have a weird relationship. Typical of current human behaviour, Im an all-in, binger when-I can type of girl. I never watch TV during the day, so when I do, it has to be good. Im also pretty much a snob when it comes to TV. I never watch anything below an IMBD score of 7. Never. I equate it to eating a pack of Tim Tams compared to an exquisitely made French Brulee. The question is whether I eat my calorie count on the factory-produced, have their place sweet treat, Tim Tams. Or eat my calorie count in the freshly made and full cream fat experience of the Brulee. Weird analogy but how I spend my time like my calories (and ability to burn them) is important to me. I can’t stand waste, especially time- so the TV it’s got to be good.

I like good characters, ones where you get invested in them. And find yourself googling the actor just to extend your time with them long after the season ends. But probably just as important- cinematography and the extra details like beautiful costumes and sets. Since the pandemic, the latter is even more so. So as winter settles in and the nights are ripe for Tv here are a few of my favourites right now.

Slow Horses. Apple plus. IMBD score: 7.8
Spy. Drama.

It took a whole episode before I like this one. The main character played by Gary Oldman made me uncomfortable with his griminess but he actually won me out in the end and I loved him. Slow Horses after the book of the same name, gathers a motley band of misfitted ousted spies, throws them together and allows them to explore the dark underbelly of London in a single case of terrorism that spans the entire show’s run-time. Some reviewers call it utterly predictable but the dark humour of the series and Gary Oldman kept me on the couch way past my bedtime. Trailer here.

Physical. Apple TV. IMBD rating 7.3
Dark comedy.

Australia’s own Rose Brynes heads this one and even though it’s labelled a comedy its so much darker than that. Rose is brilliant. Yet as I much as I loved it, the relationship she has with herself and the narrations are for me are dark; because they are very relatable. As a woman, even though the series is set in 1980s California this show is still on topic. Rose is a woman struggling in her life as a quietly tortured housewife. She then finds an unconventional path to power through an unlikely source: the world of aerobics. I actually couldn’t watch this all in one sitting. The first season was uncomfortable. It was too familiar with how I talk to myself. However, it was my husband who insisted I watch it and it’s a goody. Trailer here.

Servant. Apple TV. IMBD 7.5
Drama. Thriller.Horror.

I promise I have no affiliate with Apple, it’s just they are putting out some good stuff at the minute. I debated mentioning this one because I really struggled with the ‘unspeakable tragedy, and was worried about triggering someone. So prior warning this Tv series involves the death of an infant and postnatal depression.

Servant is actually from 2019, but I have just discovered it. Being labelled a horror, which is not the usual genre, I have scrolled on by many times. However, started watching it as a day filler when taken ill one day with B1. It’s not super scarey but it has a lot of what the scenes. To me, it’s more of a thriller with supernatural themes.

It stars Rupert Grint from Harry Potter with a shocking attempt at an American accent. This however kind of melds into his mess of a character anyway. It’s from M. Night Shyamalan who I will be honest means nothing to me. The storyline centres around a Philadelphia couple who is in mourning after an ‘unspeakable tragedy; heartbreakingly its played out in one of the episodes. Creating a rift in their marriage and it then opens the door for a mysterious force to enter their home. That tragic scene was something I couldn’t watch. I had to get up and walk away from it. It didn’t sit easily with me. Having said that I am getting ready to watch the third season because I ultimately like the series. Trailer here.

Anything I should add to my list? Have you watched would love to know what you think?